Conversation

(5:02:03) me: You going to dinner soon-ish?
(5:04:24) Peter: Yeah
(5:04:30) Peter: Why do you feel more lonely?
(5:05:02) me: I dunno.
(5:07:05) me: Well, I guess it's because I feel very left out in groups, and so being around people more often tends to remind me of it more often
(5:07:34) me: I always feel like everyone talks over and around me, but very rarely to me.
(5:07:59) me: And when I try to interject with something, it's either ignored or it kills the conversation.
(5:09:23) Peter: Yeah
(5:10:12) me: When there are people over in Kate's room or your room, I feel much more like a piece of furniture or something similar, than an actual participant.
(5:10:41) me: Like I'm meant to stand there and answer when spoken to, but not actually say anything of my own.
(5:16:43) Peter: Yeah...
(5:17:20) Peter: Do you think some of this has to do with your feelings on groups and social awkwardness?
(5:17:48) me: Yeah, in some ways. I feel it's related, but doesn't necessarily stem from it.
(5:18:26) me: For instance, I tend to have two reactions to being in groups - fear or anger. This kind of stuff tends to provoke anger more than awkwardness or fear.
(5:18:54) me: Like, I feel awkward, but I feel awkward because I feel I'm being slighted, which then makes me angry.
(5:19:30) Peter: Dinner
(5:19:34) me: The only time I actually get scared around groups is when it's groups of new people who I will see again at a later date (I have no problem with one-time interactions with people).
(5:19:35) Peter: Let's talk about this more later
(5:19:38) me: okie dokie