Things that bother me:
- that I'm not a part of anything bigger than my own little world, i.e. no organizations, no clubs, no jobs, no nothing
- that my life will never again be as simple as it was before college, or even before high school
- that I will never have friends that I feel comfortable around
- that I, due to misbalanced brain chemistry, will likely never feel like a 'normal' person
- that I have no marketable skills
- that my college years are ending soon and with it the last enjoyable segment of my life
- that I can only let one person at a time in my life know me as I really am
- that the rest of my life will likely consist of attempted subsistence
- that I can never again enjoy things as I did as a kid, i.e. without consideration, without restraint
Thoughts of any of these will bring me to tears within minutes, and to momentary suicidal ideation in 5. I just simply don't understand how the rest of the world can be okay with these things. Thoughts such as these literally bring me to my knees, they're that powerfully depressing.
::sigh:: Anyway. Just felt like writing them down somewhere.
Copied from my alternate LJ...
Friday, April 22, 2005
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